Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
