I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
