Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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