I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
