I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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