Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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