pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize