How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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