is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's always time for handjobs
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
