pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
