I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
