He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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