So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
