You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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