sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
