I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize