Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
