OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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