It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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