if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
