I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
