can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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