GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
