I'm so fucking centered right now
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
