We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
