How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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