I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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