Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
