you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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