Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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