Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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