I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
