i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
