just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize