youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My hand turned me down
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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