The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
