Don't make out with my wife yet
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
