Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
