Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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