Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
her vagine was all disorganized.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
