We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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