One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
