Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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