Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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