Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
