woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
