I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
