I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he's gonorrhea incarnate
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
