you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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