normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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