So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize