the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
