I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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