So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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