every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
