I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
