Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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