So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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