I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
