i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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