I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
