Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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