I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
