I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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