break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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