Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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