I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
