Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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