i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Congratulations! We have a period
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