you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
